The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.

Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective feelings of destination, excitement, wellness, nearness, and love .

When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, article but the sex is terrific!" They most likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!

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